McGonagall's List
by Imagen99
Summary: A list in the common room. Goes from Marauder's Era to next gen. :
1. McGonagall's List

_I own nothing!_

**List of things my Gryffindor's are banned from trying/doing or even **_**contemplating**_

**As I have recently become head of Gryffindor, I have realised that I have inherited, perhaps, the most trouble making house. And Gryffindor, being Gryffindor, you always seem to find something foolhardy to do that is not directly against school rules. And so I have composed a list of specific things that you all, collectively, are banned from doing so that there are no misunderstandings. Do not say I didn't warn you. **

**Dated 1961**

**1. Encouraging Peeves. He is bad enough at it is.**

**2. Teaching Peeves new language is also banned, I felt the need to cover the first years ears Mr Black!**

**3. Telling everyone that Dumbledore really has x-ray vision is a lie Mr Potter. Do not spread such rumours again. **

**4. Do not charm a bucket of water to practically drown every Slytherin that walks past! It does not help house relations. **

**5. Mr Potter, paying a Gnome to follow Miss Evans around all day is the wrong way to go about getting anyone's attention. **

**6. No, Miss Evans you cannot attempt to kill Mr Potter.**

**7. Mr Lupin you are forbidden from telling the first years that the screams coming from the shack are those of an escaped convict who as we speak is coming to slaughter us all.**

**8. You are all banned from calling me 'Minnie' 'Min' 'Mina' and 'Tabby'.**

**9. If any of you ever attempt to collar me and take me out for 'walkies' you will leave, and never come back.**

**10. Anyone caught duelling in broad daylight is asking to be punished Mr Potter.**

**Dated 1962**

**1. If you ever do that again I will find you and murder you slowly. **

**1. No one, I repeat no one will ever shut me in a cage with cat nip and sugar mice, then show the first years the 'pretty new kitty!' ever again in my life. You have been warned.**

**2. Do not teach Peeves new pranks ever again Mr Potter.**

**3. You cannot, and will not conspire with pixies! Or any other form of magical creature, concerning pranks!**

**4. If someone ignores you, Mr Potter, do not think you are then allowed to follow them around all day until an answer is given.**

**5. Professor Flitwick is not a leprechaun. Never pretend he is. **

**6. You are banned from offering out sweets Mr Lupin.**

**7. No! It is not acceptable to give out chocolate instead. Having the whole school on a sugar high isn't easy for us teachers. Especially when you give them to our headmaster too.**

**Dated 1963**

**1. Set the school on fire again, and you will clean up the damage. The muggle way.**

**2. Toads are not meant to be strapped to the backs of owls and then raced Mr Pettrigrew.**

**3. Charming the school song to be echoed around the halls of Hogwarts isn't a 'good' idea. We teachers all agree.**

**4. My name is not 'Tabby' 'Kitty' or 'McTabby'. **

**5. I am not frightened of dogs Mr Black. However they are a nuisance to clear up.**

**6. Going up to the girl's dormitory is banned. I will be putting up further measures to keep you out boys. I dare you to try.**

**7. If you ever change our robes into things that you think suit us, then announce a costume party, I will take drastic measures. Professor Flitwick did not deserve to be made into a dwarf, and I am most certainly not an ice queen!**

**Dated 1964**

**1. If this wasn't your last year, I would give you detention for the rest of your lives. Never lock me in a room with the headmaster and demand we 'snog' to be let out. The punishment will be very severe.**

**2. If you turn my wardrobe pink ever again, I'll turn yours canary yellow. With multi-coloured swirls.**

**3. You cannot attempt to feed Mr Lockhart to the Venomous Tentactula! **

**4. I am obliged to put on here that you cannot charm the Slytherin's Quidditch robes to spell 'losers'. **

**5. I don't know how you did it, but you cannot sneak out to Hogsmeade whenever you feel like it!**

**6. ****If you ever instigate another party like that, I will let Miss Evans do whatever she would like to you. ****You are not allowed to organise parties that are not being chaperoned.**

**7. Curfew is curfew, not a little reminder that you need your sleep.**

**8. Charming a loud bell to ring through Hogwarts at 5 O'clock in the morning on your birthday Mr Black is forbidden. I don't care if you felt lonely. Not at that time.**

**9. No Mr Potter charming it an hour later is also unacceptable. **

**10. Marauders eh? Well if you ever try to make me think a Grim is following me again, I will dump a bucket of its saliva on your head.**

**11. Transfiguring mice and beetles to look like hair clips, letting girls use them, and then transforming them back is forbidden. Miss Evan agrees with that sentiment. **

**Note: It may occur to some readers of this page that I am singling out certain students. Yes I am. You should hope your names never make it onto this list, as it means you have been caught. ****And most certainly punished.**

**Dated 1971**

**1. All first years are forbidden from bringing brooms to school in their first year.**

**2. Mr Weasley, I forbid you from ever going within 10 feet of a girl's bathroom or toilet. Dying their hair red was not a good idea.**

**3. You cannot ask Fawkes to carry you to the astronomy tower Mr Weasley!**

**4. Mr Weasley if you ever set Cornish pixies loose again I will inform your **_**mother**_**.**

**Dated 1989**

**1. Bursting into laughter because you have just turned my face purple is not a wise idea Misters Weasley. Never do it again.**

**2. Throwing water balloons at passers-by is not permitted at school Mr Jordan; I do not care how much you did it at home this is SCHOOL.**

**3. Coming to class dressed as fairies is not at all amusing, especially when you try to blame Slytherin's for doing it. **

**4. Convincing the Headmaster to wear that atrocious yellow hat to an important meeting does not let him be taken seriously. Don't do it again. **

**5. My name is not 'McG' 'Maccy G' or 'Gonny'.**

**6. It is neither 'Big chief M' 'Mother McGonagall' or 'Mamma Lion'.**

**7. You cannot call me Minerva. Only ever Professor McGonagall.**

**8. Blowing up the library was a terrible idea. I will feed you to Madame Pince if you ever try it again. **

**9. Telling me my 'cousins' are visiting, and then filling my quarters with various cats of all shapes and sizes is not amusing. Nor is photographing the look on my face. **

**Dated 1990**

**1. Hijacking the carriages is against rules. **

**2. Riding the carriages into the great hall also is against the rules.**

**3. Misters Weasley, since detention serves to only give you more plotting time, I will consult your mother on how to deal with you. You are forbidden from tampering with the owls. Or any other method of communication.**

**4. Locking me in my quarters only delays me. Don't do it again.**

**5. Do not try to get my attention in class by calling 'Here kitty kitty'. If you try it again Misters Weasley I will transfigure you both into a matching set of scratching posts.**

**6. You are banned from playing Quidditch in the great hall.**

**7. Mr Jordan, Misters Weasley ambushing the other houses before yelling 'FOOD FIGHT' is not the best idea whilst in the great hall. You can clean it the muggle way next time.**

**Dated 1991**

**1. You are banned, Misters Weasley, from influencing any of the younger students with your 'weasley ways'. **

**2. Painting roses red and then screaming at me that you are sorry they are white is worrying.**

**3. If you ever do that again I will slowly murder you. If you don't know what this means you never will, I will not spread t around the school as gossip.**

**4. This is a warning, students, never tamper with Professor Dumbledore's lemon drops. He will deal with you. **

**5. Battling trolls is forbidden, what were you thinking Miss Granger, Misters Potter and Weasley?**

**6. Setting another teacher's (specifically Professor Snape's) robes on fire is banned. Yes, I know who did it. You however, Misters Weasley will never know. **

**7. Carrying ****blue**** fire around is also banned for first years. **

**8. Trying to get other students into trouble deliberately is cruel. I expected better**

**9. Nosing around in matters that do not concern you is banned. **

**10. When something is banned, Misters Potter, Weasley and Miss Granger, it means that it is FORBBIDEN! It does not mean that you can just ignore the rules and go!**

**Dated 1992**

**1. You travel to school by the train, and ONLY by the train Misters Potter and Weasley. **

**2. Next time you hex a student before even stepping foot in Hogwarts, I will be forced to punish you Miss Granger.**

**3. I can tell if you've caused yourself to be sick Mr Jordan.**

**4. I advise you not to purposefully set out to annoy me Misters Weasley.**

**5. Students are hereby forbidden from trying any spells two years above their current year. That also extends to potions. **

**6. Students are also forbidden from invading another house's common room.**

**7. Jinxing Slytherins 'because they are annoying' is not a good enough reason.**

**8. Fighting 'Basilisks' is forbidden, as is telling other students where to find them. **

**9. Jinxing Hufflepuffs even though they were wrong, is likewise forbidden, everyone makes mistakes Misters Weasley.**

**10. Staying up five hours after curfew whilst having a party is not permitted.**

**11. Neither is giving fire whisky to the younger years Mr Parmash.**

**Dated 1993**

**2. Going up to Professor Snape and dying him entirely red and gold, although amusing, is not worth the headache I get because of it.**

**3. If you don't have a letter you cannot go to Hogsmeade.**

**4. I will know if you forge it Mr Finneagan.**

**5. Homework is meant to be done properly, Misters Weasley and Potter, not completely made up out of the blue.**

**6. Any packages sent to a student that have no signature indicating who it is from, are to be turned over for examination. Be careful what you do, because eventually I find out about everything.**

**7. So is setting off stink bombs. Next time, you will live with it!**

**8. You are permitted to add personal touches to your dorms, but not paint the whole room pink Miss Brown.**

**9. If you ever seek to gain a sick note a week in advance because 'the fates informed you that you need it' then I will put you in detention for a whole month Miss Patil.**

**10. Next time a potentially dangerous creature is in the school, inform me Mister Potter, Miss Granger before you get punished for helping out a friend. **

**11. Everyone is FORBIDDEN from writing down the common room passwords EVER. **

**12. Chasing after a serial convict whilst being very Gryffindor, will give me a heart attack. Please don't.**

**13. Miss Granger, you sleep in your dorm and not the library.**

**Dated 1994**

**1. Rounders in the common room is forbidden. As is any other sport.**

**2. Students must refrain from pranks whilst the school has visitors. **

**3. Students cannot prank those visitors.**

**4. Bullying another student is a vile and awful thing to do. You should be ashamed. **

**5. Interhouse Unity is important; we should believe each other until proven guilty.**

**6. You cannot stay in my class rooms after midnight, or even after curfew Miss Granger and Mister Potter.**

**7. If you deliberately show Hogwarts up, I will deal with you severely.**

**8. Professor Snape has asked me to remind you that stealing from his store cupboard is a very dangerous thing to do.**

**9. Blackmail is not only against school rules, it is illegal!**

**10. Misters Weasley, clean up your dorm!**

**11. I understand that you were upset Miss Granger, Mister Weasley, but you cannot simply just run into a maze and attempt to follow Mister Potter. I will not allow it. **

**12. Miss Granger, please find a different way to encourage house elves freedom. This plan isn't working.**

**13. I must reiterate that blackmail is banned, even if the person is a nasty little insect.**

**14. Misters Weasley and Miss Granger! Please refrain from attacking students on a train.**

**Dated 1995**

**1. You cannot test out your products on first years Misters Weasley.**

**2. Starting a mutiny in class, though very clever, is not something you want to do. Miss Granger she is a professor, and she has more power than you at the moment. Leave this to me.**

**3. Learn to control your temper Mr Potter!**

**4. Showing direct disrespect to a teacher is rude you three.**

**5. You cannot finish someone's essay for them Miss Granger. **

**6. Mister Weasley, you were made a prefect to help maintain discipline, so help Miss Granger once in a while!**

**7. Be careful what you do, and what you start. Very good protean charm, by the way.**

**8. Fighting is forbidden in Hogwarts! Staring a fight with Slytherin, in the middle of a Quidditch match was very foolish!**

**9. I must ask that whoever has jinxed Miss Edgecombe to take off the jinx. **

**10. Anyone found to be helping our dear high inquisitor, will deal with me.**

**11. Anyone who pranks, or in any way annoys ODHI will receive 50 points for Gryffindor. **

**12. You are forbidden from leaving the school grounds without my express permission.**

**13. You are just all around forbidden from visiting the MOM.**

**14. Apparently you aren't allowed to lead professors off into the forbidden forest to get them captured, Miss Granger, Mister Potter. Yes, even if it is Professor Umbridge. **

**15. Attacking other students is not something I can condone. **

**16. You may not enter the hog's head.**

**Dated 1996**

**1. Mr Thomas, fireworks are not to ever be used inside the school, no matter what the Misters Weasley have gotten away with!**

**2. Miss Weasley, you cannot fill the dormitories with slugs because someone broke up with you.**

**3. Miss Granger, interfering with Quidditch trials is cheating! **

**4. Miss Brown as interesting as your social life is, I don't need to know about it. **

**5. You cannot set birds on Mr Weasley, Miss Granger.**

**6. Kindly keep your arguments to below 50 decibels, Mr Weasley.**

**7. I do not care if Professor Slughorn has arranged for the party to go on after midnight, you all need your sleep!**

**8. You cannot go around threatening other students, Mister Weasley. Mr McLaggen was most frightened. **

**9. Mister Potter, you cannot go threaten boys in Mister Weasley's place. You are being overprotective of Miss Granger. Stop. **

**10. Miss Granger, if you are ever attacked again, come to me. Do not seek revenge.**

**11. Mister Potter, following instructions on a spell from a strange book is foolish! What if it had killed someone?**

**12. Miss Granger I must ask that if you are going to try to become an animagus, to wait until I have time to tutor you so you are not injured.**

**13. Stalking students is unhealthy Mister Potter.**

**14. Mr Creevey you cannot throw stink pellets in the girls dormitory.**

**15. UNDERAGE STUDENTS ARE BARRED FROM EVER, EVER PARTICIPATING IN A LIFE OR DEATH FIGHT! NEVER EVER GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK AGAIN!**

**Dated 1997**

**1. Please don't purposefully put yourselves in danger. **

**2. Riding dragons is forbidden, what were you think you three!**

**3. Breaking into a bank is also forbidden.**

**4. Underage fighting is discouraged for a reason.**

**5. This is the one and only time I will commend you for ever breaking the rules Misters Potter, Weasley and Miss Granger. Well done, I am unbelievably proud. **

**6. However you will still be receiving detentions for all of the heart attacks you have given me over the years.**

**7. No canoodling in the halls! **

Rose and James looked at the notice in the Gryffindor common room, then back at each other. "Well, that legacy is going to take a while to beat." James snorted.

"Yeah, and did you even look at Uncle Fred's list? Not to mention granddads!" Rose nodded, grim.

"Well in that case, we better get going!"

Somewhere in her office McGonagall shivered.


	2. McGonagall's Letter

_I Own Nothing! _

On the 10th of February, a year after Albus and Rose started school; The Weasley and Potter households were woken by a rather incessant tapping at 5 O'clock in the morning. Grumbling, they received a letter from Minerva McGonagall, and thinking the worst began to read immediately.

**Dear Mr and Mrs Weasley,**

**I am writing to you halfway through the school term with the express intention of asking you whether or not you are trying to kill me. I must say that within half a year, your entire family has taken it upon themselves to work together in order to give me a colossal head ache. If it wasn't enough that ****you**** decided to put yourselves in danger year after year, giving me a wide variety of premature grey hairs in the process, your children have collectively decided to try and 'beat' the records you have set. I have seen them chimera hunting, hippogriff riding, mermaid fishing and I even found them using your old invisibility cloak to sneak out of the castle! First years! While I will allow the children to have fun, and play a few pranks to liven up the school, your children are causing the staff to tear their hair out trying to keep them safe. Granted, that they aren't as bad as you yet, however I ask that you please speak to them about personal safety and not making brash decisions. The Hogwarts staff won't be able to keep them safe endlessly, and though they've been remarkably lucky so far, it can't last forever. I myself have had many talks with them abut, this, however this only serves to encourage them. I am inviting you to Hogwarts in three day's time for this purpose, and I welcome you to join us in the Hall for dinner afterwards, it would be lovely to see you all again. Thankyou.**

**Minerva McGonagall**

**Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

Soon after the Weasley household finished reading the rather worrying letter, the Potter came through on the floo network. "Have you read this?" Cried an exasperated Ginny Weasley "I swear when I get a hold of James…."

"Ginny please! It's not as if we were any better, and what with all the stories they've been told they probably thought it was okay, since we did things like that." Ron disagreed.

"Yeah, but we did that because we were busy saving the world! Well… most of the time."

Harry acted as the medium. "Relax guys, we'll go there and talk to them about it. It'll be fine. I mean McGonagall's not even angry, she never was with us, so all we have to do is give a lecture and we're done." He smiled. "Albus and James always were mummy's boys, they'll listen to Gin." Ron smiled, and then joked that no one in their house dared to go against Hermione unless they had a death wish. He received two punches for that comment. Then Harry perked up, an idea coming to his mind.

"Guys, we're going back to Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Think about who'll still be there!"

Hermione suddenly squealed. "Oh I can ask Professor McGonagall what she thinks of my new thesis…."

Ginny smiled "It'll be nice to see the quidditch pitch again."

But by far the biggest grin was Ron's, in fact it was an almost cunning grin. "Eh mate…How about we show the youngsters how it's done? Purely to teach them a thing or two of course! I can ask George for help… What do you think?"

Harry looked around, Ginny looked delighted, and he himself felt hesitant whereas Hermione looked simply scandalized. "Ron! We've been invited as guests! We can't go pranking the professors! We're even supposed to be lecturing the children about that!" But Ron simply shrugged, and reminded her that they'd broken the rules in front of their kids before. He turned to Harry, and led him out of the room.

"Don't worry about Hermione, she'll come around and help eventually. Now….i was thinking we do something Gryffindor based, for the kids, and maybe cat based for McGonagall…"

After a quick conversation Harry soon found himself getting very enthusiastic about the idea, and after an hour Ginny was involved too. It took two days to completely rope Hermione in, but it was worth it, she managed to add the flair that the others thought of, but couldn't produce.

And so, that is how on the 13th of February, 18 years after they all left school, Hermione and Ron Weasley, and Harry and Ginny Potter made pranking history. A day later, they were still running from a furious McGonagall with a pink bow wrapped around her neck, and ribbons going through her hair. Eventually, she was joined by the whole of the school, who were coloured bright red and gold, and only able to let out roars. Their amazingly childish pranking abilities, previously dormant due to the constant life-threatening situations, were finally awake, and the wizarding world never saw what hit them.


End file.
